Fathers experienced in stillbirth as a waste of life and needed to protect their partners and express grief in their own way.

Main findings (1) Experiencing that the baby was no longer alive: 8 fathers had a premonition that something was wrong before being told about the stillbirth, but they still had hope. Fathers described feelings of impending catastrophe (including shock, a lack of feeling, and denial). They also described great disappointment when their preparations and expectations for the baby were thwarted. Most fathers found consolation in their adversity through confirmation of their reactions by support and information. They expressed an urgent need to get rid of the burden, and were concerned that the dead baby could harm their partner. They initially felt that delivery should be by a caesarean section, but after receiving information on this were able to accept a vaginal delivery. (2) Time between being told of the baby’s death and the induction of labour: fathers felt that having time to adjust to the baby’s death and to calm down in peace and quiet was important. They wanted to take care of practical details and protect their partner, but found it difficult when they were distressed themselves. (3) The delivery: frustration and helplessness were common feelings experienced by the fathers during labour and delivery. They felt they could do little, and everything was focused on the physical aspect of their partner giving birth. Most fathers said that it felt right that their partner should give birth vaginally, despite their initial wish for a caesarean section. Fathers found reassurance in the care routine, and were generally satisfied with the process and felt supported, especially by the hospital chaplain and deaconesses. (4) The stillbirth and aftercare: fathers felt emptiness and silence at the moment of stillbirth. They felt sad about the waste of life. Fathers approached the baby with respect and dignity, and also with a fear of seeing their child. Not all fathers spontaneously approached the child and some needed persuasion and assistance. Fathers had tokens of remembrance from the baby including photos, hand and footprints, a lock of hair, and identification wrist bands. They found the concrete items helpful and felt they might not have chosen these if they had been left to themselves after the delivery. (5) The first time at home: feelings of emptiness and silence were pronounced when they went home — there were 3 of them when they left for the hospital but only 2 came back. Collected tokens of remembrance of the child and the support of the obstetric staff and hospital chaplain helped with finding their way back to everyday life. They thought that receiving support in their grief was an urgent need. Fathers often felt their partners needed to talk about their feelings more, whereas they were more reticent.